In Los Angeles, Toombow Kids took to the streets to talk with women about motherhood, careers, freedom, and that famous phrase: “One day, your maternal instinct will kick in.” But is it really that simple?
Today, on Tips from Moms, we decided to ask a question that might spark quite a conversation.
Does every woman have to dream of becoming a mother?
Some women have known since childhood:
“When I grow up, I want to have kids!”
Others immediately respond:
“That’s not for me!”
And then there are those who simply don’t know.
So here at Toombow Kids, we decided to step outside the newsroom and take to the streets of Los Angeles to hear different perspectives.
And one thing quickly became clear:
There is no single way to be a woman.
“My dream? Becoming a mom.”
Let’s start with our first encounter.
A young woman tells us that her greatest dream is to become a mother. She can already picture herself holding her baby in her arms, possibly staying home for a while after the birth, and devoting a large part of her life to her family.
To her, that isn’t a sacrifice.
It’s the life she wants to choose.
A few streets away, we meet someone completely different.
Business attire, laptop, phone, and coffee in hand: this woman loves her career.
She tells us that she doesn’t particularly feel the desire to have children and, for now, would rather devote her energy to her career, traveling, and personal goals.
Is she less fulfilled than the first woman?
No.
Does the first woman lack ambition because she dreams of motherhood?
Not at all.
And that’s exactly where today’s tip begins.
What the U.S. Numbers Actually Tell Us
Let’s put the stereotypes aside for a moment.
In the United States, motherhood and a career are far from being two separate worlds.
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 73.9% of mothers living with children under the age of 18 participated in the labor force in 2025.
Even among mothers with children under the age of 6, 68% were either working or actively looking for work.
In other words, today’s American mom may prepare breakfast, drop off her child, head to work, run a business, come home, and step right back into her role as Mom.
She hasn’t necessarily chosen one life over the other.
Sometimes, she’s trying to build both at the same time.
What About Women Who Don’t Want Children?
They’re part of this conversation too.
And their choice deserves just as much respect.
A major Pew Research Center study looked at Americans under 50 without children who say they are unlikely to ever have them.
Among this group, 57% say one major reason is simply that they don’t want children.
Among the women surveyed in this category, that number rises to 64%.
And 44% of adults under 50 in this group also cite wanting to focus on other things, such as their careers or personal interests.
That does not mean that 64% of all American women don’t want children. These numbers specifically refer to childless adults surveyed who say they are unlikely to ever have children.
So… What Happened to “Maternal Instinct”?
That may be the most interesting question of all.
We often hear:
“You’ll see. Once you have a baby, your maternal instinct will kick in.”
Or:
“Every woman wants to become a mother eventually.”
Real life is much more nuanced.
Some women feel a deep desire for motherhood from a very young age.
Others gradually develop their bond with their child.
Some remain uncertain for years.
And others simply never want to become mothers.
Motherhood should never be used as a test to determine whether a woman is “feminine enough,” loving enough, or fulfilled enough.
Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom: STOP!
Here at Toombow Kids, we’d like to call a timeout on another unnecessary competition:
Stay-at-home moms versus working moms.
Why do we have to put them against each other?
A mother who chooses to stay home and care for her baby is doing an enormous amount of work, even if that work doesn’t come with a paycheck.
A mother who heads to work every morning doesn’t stop being a mother the moment she walks through the doors of her workplace.
And a woman who chooses not to have children shouldn’t have to justify her entire life through her career either.
These women can live completely different lives without any one of them holding the universal recipe for happiness.
Tips from Moms : Stop Looking for the “Perfect Mom”
And here, finally, is our tip.
It isn’t hidden inside a revolutionary baby bottle or the latest high-tech stroller.
It’s about having the freedom to find your own balance.
For some women, that means staying home with their children for several years.
For others, it means returning to work quickly.
For some, it means working part-time.
For others, it means becoming an entrepreneur while raising a family.
And some women will choose never to become mothers at all.
There is no single right answer.
What If You Become a Mom but Don’t Immediately “Feel Like a Mom”?
Don’t panic.
Motherhood isn’t a competition where every woman is expected to experience exactly the same emotions at exactly the same time.
Getting to know your baby, learning what they need, building confidence, asking for help, and gradually developing your relationship are all part of the experience.
Perhaps the most important tip is this:
Don’t build your experience of motherhood by trying to copy someone else’s.
Build the one that works for your child, your family… and for you.
Two Women, Two Lives, No Loser
Our walk through Los Angeles ends with the two women we met at the beginning.
One dreams of someday hearing a child call her:
“Mom!”
The other may dream of opening the doors to her own company on Monday morning.
And a third woman, somewhere in between, probably dreams of…
both.
Perhaps that’s what the American statistics remind us most clearly: motherhood, work, and personal fulfillment don’t always fit neatly into separate boxes.
So, is maternal instinct really Tips from Moms?
Maybe the real tip is much simpler:
Listen to what you truly want, respect what other women want… and stop deciding for them what kind of life should make them happy.
Because there are as many ways to be a woman as there are ways to be a mom.