In a world where many adults dream of becoming parents, it’s easy to forget that a child is not an object to be chosen and abandoned on a whim. A child is a human being, with a heart, emotions, wounds… and an incredible ability to understand what’s happening around them, even at a very young age.
Every year in the United States, more than 50,000 children enter the foster care system — including foster families, group homes, and child welfare agencies. Among them, only some will be fortunate enough to be adopted. The rest will grow up navigating a complex administrative system, often marked by loneliness, uncertainty, and dashed hopes.
Toombow Kids decided to dedicate this column to the poignant testimony of Tobey, a 15-year-old American teen, who agreed to share his story with us. A story that sadly mirrors that of thousands of children in care.
The Day Everything Changed
Two years ago, a couple in their forties showed interest in him.
For the first time in his life, Tobey allowed himself to hope.
“I might finally have a family. A real one. A home,” he told us.
When he was told the news, Tobey smiled, laughed, and bounced around… simple gestures for any child, but extraordinary for him. Behind his joy, however, lay a deeply rooted fear: the fear of ending up on the street one day, like so many children who grow up in the system without ever being adopted.
A few weeks later, everything collapsed.
The couple changed their minds.
No valid explanation.
No second thought.
No consideration of the consequences.
Tobey said nothing for days.
But every night, before falling asleep, he cried “all the tears in his body.”
The most painful part wasn’t the rejection… it was why.
He was told the family had seen his file.
The Weight of a File That Follows a Child for Life
Like all children in the U.S. foster system, Tobey has a full file with Child Protective Services (CPS). It includes:
• his placements,
• his struggles,
• incidents,
• his “mistakes” as a child left to fend for himself.
From ages 9 to 12, Tobey was alone, without real supervision.
He made mistakes, sometimes big ones.
“How do you expect a child with no parents to learn the right path?” he says calmly.
Yes, he got lost.
Yes, he messed up.
Like any child with no one to guide them.
But once he found the strength, Tobey pulled himself together.
He worked, disciplined himself, and tried to be the “good kid” that some adoptive families claim they want.
Yet, with each new adoption attempt, his past catches up with him.
Families hesitate.
They read his file—but not his heart.
A Message to Prospective Adoptive Parents
Today, Tobey wanted to share a message through Toombow Kids:
“Stop being afraid of us.
We’re just like any other kids.
It’s not our fault no one was there to teach us about life.”
Toombow Kids reminds everyone:
A child should never be reduced to a file.
A difficult past does not erase value, potential, or the capacity to love.
With the love of two parents, any child can thrive—regardless of age or history.
A file shows what has been.
A family can offer what will be.
And that is the true meaning of adoption.
What You Should Know About Foster Care in the U.S.
Foster care is the U.S. system for temporary placement of children whose parents cannot ensure their safety or well-being.
Each year, over 400,000 children live in foster homes across the country.
Children may be placed in:
• Foster families (private homes),
• Group homes (supervised collective homes),
• Specialized programs for children with special needs.
Every child has an official file maintained by CPS, documenting placements, incidents, and social interventions.
Adoption is possible but depends on the child’s file, background, and compatibility with prospective parents.
The goal of the system is to protect children and give them the best chance for stability, but many children remain in care for long periods, and some are never adopted.
Each child is more than their file: with love and support, they can grow and thrive despite a difficult past.
“Please, Don’t Be Afraid of Us” The Heartbreaking Story of 15-Year-Old Tobey
